


A Kiss From a Fero(se)

by fangirl_squee



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 09:38:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10694343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_squee/pseuds/fangirl_squee
Summary: Ten possible first kisses of Fero Feritas.





	A Kiss From a Fero(se)

**Author's Note:**

> [apparently Fero has Never Kissed](https://curiouscat.me/keithjcarberry/post/136065432?t=1492533623) and so: this fic. 
> 
> thanks to maddie for looking it over and sophie for betaing and for the title

_Ten possible first kisses of Fero Feritas_

  
  


_Boat Party_

They’ve made it to open water, the party still continuing below-decks, when someone approached Fero. He’d been trying to be a good look out, but it’s dark, and there’s nothing but ocean all around them, and he was _so bored_. Lem went to sleep hours ago. Any distraction would be a welcome one.

 

“Hey,” said the man, offering Fero the bottle he’d been sipping from.

 

Fero shrugged and took a sip, wincing a little at the sharp, bitter liquid. He squinted up at the man in the moonlight. The guy looked nervous, and also, weirdly familiar.

 

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” said Fero, “but have we… do I know you? Were you on Calhoun’s crew last time?”

 

“No,” said the man, “but you did say you’d meet me below deck a while ago.”

 

Fero pressed his lips together. “Oh. Um--”

 

“It’s fine,” said the man, “It’s a big boat, I thought maybe you’d gotten lost.”

 

“No, I’m just… keeping a lookout.”

 

The man looked pointedly behind them, to where Calhoun and Hella both had telescopes trained on the horizon, and then back at Fero. Fero felt his cheeks warm in the cool sea air.

 

“There’s such a thing as letting someone down _too_ gently you know.”

 

“Yeah, uh, sorry,” said Fero, “I’m not really into-- I mean, I don’t know your name.”

 

The man extended a hand down to Fero. “Foss Haylin, at your service.”

 

“Fero Feritas.”

 

Fero shook his hand, because it seemed like the thing to do. Foss’s hand was warm and solid. His thumb rubbed over the back of Fero’s hand purposefully. Foss smiled, crinkling up around the eyes in a way that made Fero smile back.

 

Foss leant down slowly, and kissed him once, softly. He tasted the same as the bitter liquid of the bottle. Fero took a sharp step back, letting go of Foss’s hand.

 

“Sorry,” said Foss, “I thought--”

 

“It’s fine,” said Fero, “but, like I said, I’m kind of supposed to be on the lookout, so I should, um, I should be getting back to it. No offense.”

 

“None taken,” said Foss, giving Fero an amused look that quickly faded to a look of concern.

 

Foss hesitated, hand twitching like he was thinking about reaching for Fero again.

 

“Good,” said Fero, quickly, “Sorry, but I really have to get back to it. Out won’t look at itself, y’know.”

 

“Well, if you decide you want a break, you know where to find me,” said Foss.

 

“Yeah, sure,” said Fero.

 

Foss gave him a look over his shoulder as he headed below-deck, but Fero pretended not to notice, staring instead up at the stars.

  


_Hella_

Hella was sitting on her bed reading a letter when Fero entered, hastily-written opening statement notes in hand. She hurriedly stuffed the page she was holding into her jacket.

 

“What’s that? Case notes?” asked Fero, “I’m your lawyer, you’ve gotta tell me if it’s case notes.”

 

“It’’s not for the case,” said Hella, “it’s just a letter.”

 

“A letter? From who?”

 

“Hadrian,” said Hella.

 

She looked tight around the eyes like she did before they went into a fight, which probably wasn’t a great trial look. Fero wasn’t the best at calming people down, too twitchy, too easily prone to poking at conversational sore spots, but they couldn’t go into the courtroom with Hella so tense. It would be hard enough to argue a case for her without her looking like she wanted to kill Adelaide too.

 

“I didn’t know we could get mail,” said Fero.

 

Hella sighed. “If it was anyone other than Hadrian it probably wouldn’t have gotten through.”

 

She fiddled with the paper inside her jacket, like she was trying to read it without exposing the paper to the light.

 

“We’ve got time if you want to reread it,” said Fero waving his own papers in the air, “I’ve got my own reading to do, so I won’t even peek at it.”

 

He sat down on the bed a little ways away from her, looking carefully down at his own work. After a moment, he heard the crinkling of paper as she took it out of her jacket. Fero focused on keeping his eyes down, struggling to read his own writing.

 

There was a knock at the door.

 

“Five minutes,” said a gruff voice.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” said Fero. He turned to Hella. “Are you ready to--”

 

Hella was hastily wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, the letter clenched tight in her fist. This… also probably wasn’t a good look for the trial.

 

“Did… something happen to Hadrian?” said Fero carefully.

 

“No,” said Hella, “Well, yeah, probably, but he’s handling it.”

 

“Okay,” said Fero. He paused. “Are you...okay?”

 

“Yes,” said Hella.

 

Fero very, very carefully put his hand lightly on top of Hella’s. She looked down at him sharply.

 

“You’re going to be fine,” said Fero.

 

Hella took a deep breath in through her nose. “I know.”

 

“Me and Lem,” said Fero, trying to sound as confident as possible, “we’re going to get you out of this.”

 

“You and Lem,” repeated Hella, not exactly sounding convinced.

 

“Yeah,” said Fero, “me and Lem. Sure, this is our first trial, and sure, you did it, and sure, Adelaide kind of hates you, I think, but we’ll get you through this. We’re handling it.”

 

Hella’s hand clenched around the letter. “You’re handling it.”

 

“Yep,” said Fero, “we’re going to be the best first-time lawyers you ever saw.”

 

Hella looked at him and Fero nodded, fast, trying for bright and convincing. Hella’s mouth twitched at the edges and Fero poked her in the side, startling a laugh out of her.

 

“See? I even got you to believe it,” said Fero, “That’s the first step to being a lawyer.”

 

Hella shook her head, smiling now as she looks down at him. “Is that so?”

 

Fero shrugged. “It might be. They didn’t really give me any kind of lawyer instructions.”

 

Hella laughed and then put her face in her hands, leaning her elbows on her knees. “I can’t believe I’m going to die because of a court case.”

 

“No, you’re not,” said Fero, “didn’t you just hear what I said about the steps of being a lawyer?”

 

Hella groaned. Fero put a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him. It was so odd to see her with red-rimmed eyes. He tried to think of what Lem would say.

 

“You’re not going to die,” said Fero, putting all the certainty he could into his words, “We won’t let them take you.”

 

Hella looked at him for the space of a breath and then surged up, pressing a deep kiss, her hand on the back of his head, keeping him in place.

 

Well. Today was full of all different firsts.

 

Fero wasn’t really sure what to do with his hands, so he copied Hella’s movements, carding his fingers through the short hairs at the base of her neck. Hella made a soft sound into his mouth, so he figured it was the right way to go with it.

 

The door creaked open and Fero sprung backwards, feeling himself flush as the guard raised an eyebrow at both of them. Hella raised an eyebrow right back at him.

 

“Well,” said Fero, his voice cracking a little, “time to go?”

 

Hella let out a long breath. “Okay.”

 

Fero put a hand on her’s. “Hey. We’re handling it.”

 

Hella nodded, straightening her shoulders. “We’re handling it. Okay.”

  


_Throndir_

Throndir was sitting alone at the end of the bar. Fero didn’t know the guy too well, but he knew him well enough to find it odd that Throndir wasn’t making conversation with the bartender. He was picking at his plate of food, too, feeding more to Kodiak than he was eating himself.

 

Fero weaved around people’s elbows to pull himself up onto the stool next to Throndir. Throndir glanced at him and gave him a threadbare smile.

 

“Fero. What brings you here?”

 

Fero shrugged. “Celebrating, I guess.”

 

“Celebrating?”

 

“Yeah, it’s High Sun Day, remember?” said Fero, “Plus we, like, solved a crime today.”

 

Throndir sighed. “I suppose we did. But at what cost?”

 

Fero squinted at him. There were many things that a person like Throndir could think of as being a mope-worthy cost from their investigation. He honed in on one of the less-depressing ones.

 

“Mitta’s probably fine you know.”

 

Throndir blinked at him, turning to look at him properly for the first time. “I…”  He let out a breath. “I don’t know if I did the right thing with her. She wanted my help--”

 

“And you helped her,” said Fero, “She’s safe now because of you.”

 

“But she committed a _crime,_ Fero!”

 

Fero shushed him, grabbing at Throndir’s jacket. A few people looked over, probably as much for the flail of Fero’s movement as Throndir’s raised tone, before looking away. Fero relaxed, but kept a hand on Throndir’s arm. The bar was crowded, but not _that_ crowded.

 

Throndir hurriedly lowered his voice. “She committed a crime and I let her go. I _encouraged_ her to go.”

 

“Do you really think she should have gone to _jail_ for what she did?” said Fero, “Come on, she’s just a kid, Throndir, would you feel _right_ putting her in jail for a dumb mistake?”

 

Throndir sighed. “I suppose not. But I don’t feel great about her walking free either.”

 

Throndir stared back down at his ale, looking morose.

 

 _Right_ , thought Fero, _enough of this._

 

He absolutely had to snap Throndir out of this or he’d end up more dour than Hadrian. What was a thing people did to shake their friends out of things like this? Throndir already had food, and ale, and Kodiak, which left…

 

Fero put two fingers under Throndir’s chin, tilting Throndir’s face up towards him, and pressed a soft (and, if he was being honestly, a little clumsy) kiss to Throndir’s lips. He kept his hand there after he drew back, hoping Throndir wouldn’t notice how it had trembled slightly.

 

Throndir blinked at him, frowning. “What was that for?”

 

Fero shrugged. “Just trying to cheer you up.”

 

Throndir let out a breath, giving Fero a smile that held a little more warmth than before. “I appreciate you trying, at least.”

 

“I can do it again if you want,” said Fero.

 

Throndir laughed. “Maybe later. For now, I’m glad enough of the company if we just sit.”

  


_Fantasmo (Arrell)_

Fero and Throndir had split up to search the house, and Fero was starting to think it was a bad idea. Not so much because he thought there was danger, more like that it was useful to have someone tall enough to reach the top shelf of most places without having to get step ladders or turn into a bird. He normally didn’t mind doing either, but it got annoying after the third room.

 

The door creaked behind him, and Fero whipped around, ready to take on whatever dangerous intruder it was … and then relaxed. It was just Fantasmo.

 

“Oh, hey,” said Fero, “I thought you were searching the other side of town.”

 

Fantasmo shrugged. “I was drawn here instead. I go where the trail leads me.”

 

“Wait, so he’s here?”

 

“I am...unsure,” said Fantasmo, “I believe he may have been here recently. Perhaps he left something behind.”

 

“Okay,” said Fero, “well, since the trail led you here, can you check the top shelf?”

 

Fantasmo frowned. “The top…?”

 

“Yeah,” said Fero, “I can’t exactly… y’know. It’s not built for my height.”

 

Fantasmo nodded. His hand ran along the spines of the books there, his frown deepening the further along he went.

 

Fero went up on his tiptoes, not that it made any difference. “What is it?”

 

“These books shouldn’t be--” he broke off, stumbling a little and falling to his knees, a hand to his head.

 

“Fantasmo, are you alright?”

 

Fantasmo didn’t move, arms shaking a little where they’re braced in front of him on the floor, as though he was bearing an enormous weight on his back.

 

“Hey!” yelled Fero, turning to the door, “Hey, Throndir, you--”

 

Fantasmo pulled at the front of Fero’s shirt, silencing him with a kiss. He was…. Well, better at this than Fero would have thought. Fero leant back slightly after a moment.

 

Fero huffed a laugh. “That was...”

 

He trailed off, frowning. Fantasmo didn’t look right. Or, no, he looked like a different version of himself, just as stern-faced but younger. The light in his eyes was different.

 

“Hey, wait a minute,” said Fero, taking a step back, “you're not--”

 

There was a flash and then he was... somewhere else.

 

(When Throndir came to find him, there was only a mark of ash on the ground.)

  


_Hadrian_

The first night sleeping on the ground after spending a month in a bed was always the hardest. Not for Fero, you understand, he was a tough sort, used to sleeping in all sorts of conditions. Hadrian, on the other hand, had spent all night tossing and turning. Fero knew this, because his bedroll was the closest to Hadrian’s, and Hadrian had slowly rolled towards him over the course of the night.

 

In fact, his last roll put him half on-top of Fero. Fero would have complained, but Hadrian was warm, and he’d _finally_ stopped moving around. Fero could bear a little weight for that.

 

The sun was just starting to rise when Hadrian moved again, arm snaking around Fero’s side and rolling Fero towards him, so that they were facing each other.

 

Hadrian’s eyes were still closed, and if not for the slow, sleepy smile spreading over his face Fero would think he was still asleep. Hadrian leant in, lightly touching his lips to Fero’s. Fero made a small noise of surprise.

 

Hadrian eyes snapped open and he flailed back, throwing off the covers.

 

“Good morning to you, too,” said Fero.

 

Hadrian stared at him, then rubbed a hand over his face.

 

“I’m-- I apologise Fero,” said Hadrian, “I thought I was at home, and in the morning I always greet my wife by... well. Sorry.”

 

“I’m not your _wife_ ,” said Fero.

 

“Well, I know that,” snapped Hadrian, “my wife doesn’t have a beard.”

 

Fero looked at him for a moment, taking in the look of annoyance mixed with embarrassment on Hadrian’s face. Fero grinned, laughter burbling up out of him. Hadrian huffed a laugh, moving to sit back down next to Fero, bringing to covers back with him.

 

“I apologise,” said Hadrian, “It’s normally polite to ask for permission first.”

 

“I wouldn’t know,” said Fero, his tone carefully casual.

 

Hadrian paused, giving Fero a look out of the corner of his eye. “Ah. Then I truly do apologise. Not a very good first kiss, I imagine.”

 

Fero patted Hadrian’s arm. “Don’t sell yourself short. You did fine.”

  


_Adaire_

“And you are …?” said the desk clerk, looking at the two of them suspiciously over the counter.

 

“This is my husband,” said Adaire quickly, putting a hand on his shoulder, “Blarn Darnington.”

 

“Your husband,” said the clerk skeptically.

 

Fero couldn’t really blame them for their tone-- Adaire’s neatly pressed clothing glinted with careful golden embroidery, and he was pretty sure the leaves on the floor of the hotel had come out of his clothing.

 

Adaire crouched, swiftly bending to gather Fero in her arms and pull him into an embrace.

 

“What are you--”

 

“Go with me on this,” whispered Adaire, before kissing him.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Fero could see the clerk gaping at them. Fero giggled into the kiss, swooning dramatically. After a moment, Adaire glared back at the clerk.

 

“Yes”, said Adaire, her eyes flashing, “my husband. Did you have something you wanted to _say_ about our relationship?”

 

The clerk held up their hands. “Sorry ma’am, I just didn’t remember you from your previous stay with us.” They unhooked one of the keys from behind the desk. “Please, follow me.”

 

“I told you I had a good plan,” whispered Adaire, as they followed the clerk along the halls.

 

"You’re great at plans,” whispered Fero, “After all, that’s why I married you.”

 

Adaire stuck her tongue out at him, and Fero grinned.

  


_Mother Glory_

Fero had to push through the thick crowd to even catch a glimpse of her, wriggling and elbowing his way to the front, ducking under the arms of the guards. They didn’t chase him like he was expecting them to, and he wondered if it was because he was fast or because they were afraid of her, even now.

 

Fero wrapped his hands around the bars of her cage, so they wouldn’t shake. Mother Glory looked down at him. She looked so _tired_ , and Fero wondered if healing her had even helped at all.

 

“I didn’t think you’d come,” said Mother Glory.

 

“Of course I was gonna be here,” said Fero, straining to keep his tone light and unaffected, “I’m going to break you out remember?”

 

Mother Glory shook her head. “I told you, no.”

 

Fero sighed, rolling his eyes at her. “Well, I had to _try_ asking, I guess.”

 

She put her paws next to his hands on the bars. Fero could feel the soft fur brushing against his knuckles.

 

“I had to try,” Fero repeated. His voice shook slightly, and he gripped the bars a little tighter.

 

“I know you did,” said Mother Glory, her voice soft.

 

Fero forced himself to look up at her. “And you’re really, _really_ sure about… seeing this through? I could still bust you out-- we could hide out for a few days, and then we can take on this dumb town together.”

 

Mother Glory huffed a laugh. “I’m sure you’ll be able to take on Rosemerrow just as well on your own.”

 

Fero’s vision blurred. Mother Glory leant in, touching the pads of her hands to his face. She swiped a thumb across his cheek, wiping a tear off course and leaning in close to him, pressing the tips of their noses together.

 

Someone, some city guard, started grabbing at Fero’s shirt, his shoulders, trying to pull him away. Fero tightened his grip on the bars. Every moment he stayed here talking to Mother Glory was one more moment she was alive.

 

“Please,” Fero managed, “ _please_ just let me--”

 

Mother Glory shook her head again. She pried at his fingers on the bars of her cage until he let go, dragged away from the cage.

 

“You don’t have to do this!” yelled Fero.

 

“Yes,” said Mother Glory, and he had to strain to hear her over the crowd, “I do.”

  


_Ephriam_

“What are you--? Why did you--?” spluttered Fero.

 

Ephriam flushed. “I-- Samothes told me to.”

 

“That's a weird reason to kiss someone,” said Fero.

 

“He wants me to bring you into His light,” said Ephriam.

 

“Well, tell him that his messengers come on a little too strong,” said Fero.

 

Ephriam was still blocking to door, so Fero turned into a sparrow and flew over his shoulder and out the door.

  


_Tristero_

One moment he was fighting pirates and the next he was in a silent, murky room. His hand passed through the furniture as though it was made of smoke, turning to wisps under his hand.

 

“Well,“ said a deep voice, “I wasn't expecting it to be you.“

 

A handsome man was reclining on a throne in front of him, regarding him with serious eyes.

 

Fero looked around the room, searching for an exit, before his eyes were pulled back to the man.

 

“Am I… dead?” said Fero.

 

The man huffed a laugh. “Yes. Very.”

 

“Oh.” Fero considered it for a moment. “Well, that sucks.”

 

“If you would rather not pass on to the next life just yet, I have been known to make deals.”

 

“What kind of deals?” asked Fero suspiciously.

 

“I will call on you for a favour in the future.”

 

“What happens if I say yes and then just ignore you later?”

 

Light drained out of the room. The man seemed to glow with the darkness. “Then I will take the gift of life I gave you back.”

 

Fero hesitated. “What _kind_ of favour?”

 

“Knowledge of the favour is not part of the deal.”

 

Fero thought about it for a moment. He didn’t much like owing mysterious favours. But he’d also would really like to not be dead.

 

He stuck out his hand. “Okay, sure. Deal.”

 

The man smiled, and suddenly Fero was standing directly before him, so close they were almost touching.

 

“Deals here are sealed with a kiss.”

 

“Oh,” said Fero, “I’ve never-- Sure.”

 

He leant forward slightly. The man’s lips were cold. It remind Fero of the sea.

  


_Lem_

It was a long trek from the New Archives to Velas, especially if you were trying to be sneaky, and _especially_ especially if you kept getting lost.

 

“We’d already be there if you’d ride me,” said Fero, for the hundredth time.

 

“No!” said Lem, throwing his hands up and walking on ahead of Fero, “It was too weird the first time, I am _not_ trying it again just so you can prove some kind of weird point to yourself.”

 

Fero hurried to catch up. “It was only weird because _you_ made it weird.”

 

“No, _you_ did.”

 

“No, _you_ did,” Fero mimiced back.

 

Lem let out a frustrated groan. “You--”

 

Somewhere to the left of them, a branch snapped and they both froze, holding their breaths. A shape moved from behind a tree and Lem tensed, one hand going to the violin strapped to his back.

 

Fero put a hand on Lem’s knee and Lem flinched at the contact.

 

“It’s just a deer,” said Fero, his voice low, “We’re fine.”

 

Lem let out a long breath. “I just think we should try to be more quiet.”

 

“In case of deer?”

 

“In case of _Morbash_.”

 

“Oh,” said Fero, “yeah, I guess.” They walked in silence for a few moments before Fero added, “Hey, you know what way to travel is pretty quiet--”

 

“Don’t say it,” said Lem.

 

“I’m _so_ quiet as a horse Lem,” said Fero, “You’d barely even know I was underneath you.”

 

Lem blushed. “You-- No. _No_.”

 

“ _Lem_ ,” said Fero, drawing out the word as wine, tugging on the hem of Lem’s jacket, “it would be so much better, come _on_. Don’t be so resistant to new ideas.”

 

Lem batted his hands away. “Riding on a horse is not a new idea.”

 

“Well, then you should be even more comfortable with it,” said Fero, triumphant, “And you should be _doubly_ comfortable with it, actually, because how often do you get to ride a horse you _know_?”

 

“We don’t know each other _that_ well,” said Lem.

 

“Well, how well _would_ we have to know each other before you’d ride me?”

 

Lem’s blush was back again, building on the earlier flush his cheeks to turn his skin an even deeper shade of green.

 

“And what’s _that_ about anyway?”

 

“What?”

 

Fero gestured at up at Lem. “That! Are you getting sick or something?”

 

“No, it’s… I mean, it’s a bit intimate isn’t it? Letting someone ride you?”

 

“Letting someone-” Fero frowned. “Oh.” He felt heat creep into his own cheeks. “I guess I never thought about it like that.”

 

Lem raised his eyebrows at him. “Really? Never?”

 

“I didn’t!” said Fero, “I mean, I never asked anybody to before, so I guess it never came up!”

 

Lem’s footsteps fell out of rhythm for a moment. “Am I really the first person you’ve asked?”

 

Fero shrugged. “I mean, you’re the first person I’ve talked to in a while, so.”

 

“Oh,” said Lem, “so, before that…?”

 

“Well, I couldn’t turn into an animal before that,” said Fero.

 

“Oh,” said Lem, “Right.”

 

“But there wasn’t anyone I would have liked enough to ask anyway.”

 

They walked in silence for a long while. Fero was glad they were moving. Words kept itching along his throat and focusing on walking helped keep them in check. Lem kept opening his mouth as if he was going to speak, and then shutting it again. Fero tried his best to ignore it, but he’d never been very good at ignoring things.

 

“What?” snapped Fero.

 

“I just--” Lem pressee his lips together. “I didn’t know that you felt we were that close.”

 

Fero shrugged. “I didn’t know there were rules you had to follow in order to be close to someone.”

 

“Fero, come on.”

 

“No, sorry I didn’t follow the prescribed orc style guide.”

 

“Fero,” sighed Lem, “you know that’s not what I meant. I didn’t know you thought of me differently to other people.”

 

“I don’t think of other people at all,” said Fero simply.

 

“Really?”

 

“They’re not very interesting,” said Fero, “they do the same thing over and over.”

 

“Well, that’s the pattern of life.”

 

“No,” said Fero, “that’s boring.”

 

“And I’m interesting am I? Because I stole a violin?”

 

“No,” said Fero, “because you did something different.” He paused. “And you’ve got a really winning smile.”

 

Lem laughed. “A winning smile?”

 

“Yep, absolutely,” said Fero, “I wouldn’t play poker against that smile.”

 

Lem slowed, looking down thoughtfully at Fero.

 

“What?” said Fero.

 

Lem crouched, his movements clumsy. He wobbled slightly, and put a hand on Fero’s shoulder for support.

 

“What are you doing?” said Fero.

 

It was strange to see Lem at an almost-level angle.

 

“Testing something,” said Lem.

 

“Testing what?”

 

“My winning smile.”

 

Lem leant forward. If it was odd to see Lem at an almost-level angle, navigating tusks to kiss him fully was doubly so (not that Fero had anything to compare it to). Lem’s tusks bumped against the corners of Fero’s mouth. Fero ran the tip of his tongue along one experimentally, and Lem made an odd sound against his mouth.

 

Lem wobbled again and they broke apart, panting.

 

“Does this mean you’ll ride on me?” said Fero, grinning.

 

Lem blushed darker than the trees overhead. “Maybe.”

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on tumblr: mariusperkins


End file.
